Categories
2021–2022 Aspen Mountain

A Little Place Called Aspen

Since seeing the movie Dumb & Dumber as a teenager, I’ve always wanted to make my own (less idiotic) pilgrimage to Aspen. So, when my friend invited me to join him skiing there, I quickly said yes.

My favorite movie will always be Dumb & Dumber, which is a comedy starring Jim Carrey (as Lloyd Christmas) and Jeff Daniels (as Harry Dunne) as two half-wits who drive from Rhode Island to Aspen, Colorado, to deliver a briefcase to a woman who had left it in the lobby of an airport. Lloyd was her airport limousine driver, and he had developed a crush on her at first sight. (“Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?” was his first attempt at flirting with her.) Lloyd had no idea he had taken a briefcase full of ransom money left for the kidnappers of the woman’s husband.

I remember seeing the movie in the theater with a friend while I was in junior high school—the perfect age to be enraptured by a movie full of sophomoric humor. My friend and I had each smuggled a can of Coca-Cola into the theater. I remember not being able to keep a sip down because of all the laughing.

At the beginning of the movie, Harry and Lloyd were lamenting that they had both been fired from their jobs that day when Lloyd announces: “We’ve gotta get out of this town!”

“And go where? Where we gonna go?”

“I’ll tell you where,” Lloyd assures Harry. “Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I’m talking about a little place called Assspen.”

The scene from Dumb & Dumber that gave this ski day report its name

Since seeing that movie as a teenager, I’ve always wanted to make my own (less idiotic) pilgrimage to Aspen. So, when my friend Mark invited me to join him and his seven-year-old son skiing there, I quickly said yes.


Mark and his son had qualified for the NASTAR National Championships being held at nearby Snowmass. Their races wouldn’t start until Monday, so we decided to fit in a ski day at Aspen Mountain.

I arrived in Aspen yesterday (Saturday). It was a perfect spring day, with blazing sun and a relaxed atmosphere. Mark was staying at the Mountain Chalet Snowmass; however, in a pre-trip logistical miscommunication, I had booked the Mountain Chalet Aspen. For the rest of the trip, I would have to hoof it to Snowmass, which was about 20 minutes from Aspen. But for today, my hotel would be our base camp.

The weather had turned sour overnight. When I woke, rain was falling in town, and low clouds shrouded most of Aspen Mountain.

Shortly after Mark and his son arrived at my hotel room, I realized that I had forgotten to bring my ski pants. Skiing in my light, nonwaterproofed hiking pants was not an option for this damp day. So, Mark and his son headed to Aspen Mountain while I headed to a ski shop a few blocks away to buy a pair of ski pants. The shop had few offerings for sale—it was mainly a rental shop. But, by now, the rain had turned to wet snow (a promising development).

The Aspen Sports ski shop in the St. Regis hotel seemed like an expensive option, but it was right next door to my hotel, and I had no desire to trek all over town trying to find Aspen’s least-expensive pair of ski pants.

Aspen Sports had two options available and a 40 percent discount because it was late in the ski season. I bought a pair of black Obermeyer ski pants for $169 that would be a sufficient long-term replacement for the duct-taped, decade-old pair of ski pants I left at home.

Problem solved.

I got ready and walked the tenth of a mile east on Dean Street to the base of Aspen Mountain to wait for Mark and his son to finish their run. Snow was still falling. While I waited, I watched racers cross the finish line for the Grand Traverse backcountry skiing race, which had started 37.3 miles away in Mount Crested Butte, Colorado, at midnight.

Mark and his son arrived back at the base. We rode the Silver Queen gondola into the clouds. I was excited for some storm skiing.

A few inches of new snow had already fallen at the summit—dust on crust. We headed east down an intermediate trail called Cooper. (Aspen Mountain is notable for having no runs rated for beginners.) Then we skied something bumpy and steeper that may have been Gentleman’s Ridge (I had no idea where we were going) before we ended up in Cooper Bowl. Mark’s son loved dipping into the woods to find jumps. Eventually, we made our way down to Little Nell and back to the base of the gondola.

My first impression of Aspen Mountain was positive. It seemed like a fun mountain, and the conditions were getting good.

We boarded the same gondola cabin as the last ride (number 10). This time we skied Buckhorn to Midway Road. I was absolutely ripping down Buckhorn. The snow was soft, and there was just enough new snow (maybe four inches) to float above the crust during the transition between turns.

It stopped snowing after a lap on Ruthie’s. We then skied several laps on FIS Trail. The bumps were challenging, but the fresh snow was forgiving of my poor bump-skiing technique.

While riding the FIS lift (on separate chairs), Mark and I scoped lines on Bell Mountain that looked good. The Bell Mountain lift was closed, but the Ajax Express offered access via a short hike.

We skied Hanging Tree on Bell Mountain. The snow was tracked, and it had been affected by the sun, but it was well worth the effort. The run was a perfect pitch (approaching 30 degrees), and the creamy spring snow was still soft enough to yield smooth turns.

We skied laps off the Ajax Express after that run, mainly on the Blazing Star trail, which was bumpy and had plenty of spots for Mark’s son to hit jumps and drop off small rock outcroppings.

After they closed Ajax Express for the day, we took a long, meandering run down through Spar Gulch, staying as high as possible on skier’s right to ski a few soft turns down into the gulch, and then repeat all the way down. (Of course, Mark’s son hit every jump he could find.)

I had a blast skiing with Mark and his son. Nothing was off-limits. Mark’s son could handle any terrain or snow condition he encountered. His fearlessness and enthusiasm for skiing were inspiring and awesome to be around.

We didn’t ski any expert (double-black-diamond) terrain today, but the advanced (black-diamond) runs weren’t as steep as the ones at Alta and Snowbird. Aspen’s advanced runs seemed to be only about as steep as its intermediate runs, except ungroomed, but they were sufficiently challenging. Our run down Hanging Tree was my favorite run of the day, with its soft snow, steep slope, and well-spaced trees. I enjoyed skiing Aspen Mountain. I knew beforehand that it had a good reputation, and it did not disappoint.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *